Grandparents, sometimes our kids other set of parents while
others not so much. We are lucky to have some good ones and unfortunate to have
experienced the other ones. During the NICU period where we first received the
diagnosis news for Olivia, both our moms were present. They came to visit us
regularly at the hospital and made sure to check box our every materialistic
need. My mother-in-law would see a need, such as a mommy bathrobe and come back
to the hospital with one for me. While my mother made sure Olivia had every
outfit needed as a preemie. What they couldn’t fill for us though was our
emotional needs. No one could at that point and that’s something I am still coming
to terms with.
As I continue to heal from a loss of personal expectations,
I am realizing that they too have a healing journey from that trauma. It’s not
their fault they couldn’t say the right thing at the right time. No one could.
We were filled with so much anxiety and fear that any positivity during that
period felt like invalidation causing offensiveness. Because I didn’t have the
mental capacity at that time to see outside of my own hurt, I couldn’t
recognize that this was a brand-new journey for all of us. I can’t imagine a
grandparent’s point of view, seeing their own kid mortified and grieving for
their grandchild’s health. For the first time, I think both our moms were in a
state of shock to where typically saying, “It will all be okay,” couldn’t ease
our pain anymore like it did as kids.
I can admit I shut-off towards everyone including them. It
was necessary for my mental health. But each of them never stopped pursuing and
supporting in any way possible. As Daniel and I learn what we need and when to
ask, they too learn how to help and advocate. They may be a little too fierce
at advocating sometimes but it’s all with love and care. We get to witness
first-hand the sacrifices our mothers have made for our daughter, and that
wouldn’t have been possible without first healing. It was mindfulness and
empathy that helped me see past our own sacrifices and realize how much others
truly care for us. So, thank you! Thank you for your dedication and love! Grandmas
are such a blessing.
