Today I should’ve woke up to my first day back in Washington
with sun-kissed tan skin and an airplane hangover. Instead, I am writing this
blog. I intended to write a blog about our fabulous Hawaii trip and what it meant
to us, but once again I am reminded of how much control I really don’t have
over life. You would think by now I’ve mastered this, but I am undoubtedly still
beginning stages.
Before kids, Daniel and I would travel every 6 months and we
were determined to keep that streak going once we had kids. Well, then we had
Olivia and covid stopped the world shortly after. Daniel always mentioned his
desire to bring Olivia to Hawaii, but my fear mixed with her high-risk health prevented
that. So, I would say, “yes, one of these days.” Knowing exactly that I meant, “yes,
maybe way into the future once her health has proven stable and I no longer have
anything to worry about.” I did my best to keep her sheltered from covid but unfortunately
it found its way into our home.
Once Olivia was on life support from a covid that went septic,
my train of thought began to shift. Each time the providers would call with
updates or stress how critically ill she was, I couldn’t help but think of all
the things we never did with her. No one could assure me we would ever get a
second chance to take her to Hawaii or show her Snoqualmie Falls like all the
other kids. I promised myself, if she makes it through this god-awful sickness,
we will live out every day as if it were her last. I won’t wait anymore, I will
make Hawaii happen for her and her dad, I will make certain she site sees like
all the other kids. We will make all her wishes come true. The months following
her recovery, I began planning our Hawaii trip. I knew Maui would be the
perfect slow-paced island we needed just in time for the girl’s birthdays. I
reached out to the doctors to guarantee we had all the equipment and medical
documentation we needed to fly. We were ready! Shortly after, I applied for
Make-A-Wish and Olivia was granted a wish come true.
Everything was falling into place just as I planned. Hawaii was
now 3 weeks away and I could hear the ocean waves meeting the shore, I could feel
the light airy breeze, I could smell the sweet food. I needed this trip to
happen, hell we deserved it! Then I received a text from my mom that morning
stating there was a fire in Maui. Instantly I thought it was exaggerated, so I
decided to research it myself. I saw not just 1 building on fire, I saw people’s
homes being destroyed and years of history being burned to ashes. I’m not going
to lie; my first thoughts were selfish. I was upset that this trip was slipping
through my fingers. I thought, why us?? Even during the fires, I was still
trying to find a way to make it happen. It didn’t take long for me to vent to a
family member who quickly checked me. I mentioned to her how I needed this trip
and how it sucks we can’t go. She responded with how scary and sad that this
was happening to people. Yes, the meaning behind this trip meant the world to us
but how could I be so blinded to the fact that people were literally losing their
loved ones and everything they had. It took a few days for that to sit with me
and shift my perspective. I initially felt like I had made empty promises; like
I was failing somehow. But I remembered, this isn’t about me. It’s so much
larger than that, it’s about those in Maui desperately needing help. It’s about
Olivia witnessing how her mom reacts to situations and handles disappointment. I
soon cancelled our trip, thanked God for keeping my babies protected from the Maui
fires, and leaned into how I could help those affected. I don’t know why
something as bizarre as this happened, but I do know we are safe in our home
tonight while others are not. So, we will plan for next year and continue to
trust that God has our best interests at heart. We might not have been in Maui,
but we did get to see the Snoqualmie waterfall, eat some good food, and have a
birthday luau with some pretty amazing people.
Enjoy our Luau Pics :)
