As my birthday approaches each year, I like to post birthday trivia questions on social media so others can learn more about me. The day before I started to post, my husband told me to tell him something about my past as a kid that he didn't know. Ten years into this relationship; I really had to stop and think about stories he's never heard yet. That comment pushed me to do some deep reflecting, as I didn't realize some of the trauma I experienced at a young age caused me to block some of my good and happy memories out too.
This year's questions were more than just surface level, "what's my favorite color?" They were more thought out. I was able to finally recall these little souvenir moments I had completely forgotten about. Such as playing the trumpet in band, thinking that maybe one day I could make it a career. Or naming my imaginary dog I used to play with outside. It also sparked an important question, "who am I?" Of course I went down the list of titles, I'm a mom, a wife, a Jesus follower, an office manager, a sister, a daughter, etc. But being a mom stood out to me. The adjustment a person makes from an individual responsible for themselves, to now being responsible for a little human being is substantial.
I had an idea of the kind of mom I would be. Definitely not "that mom." What does that even me? Well, someone who's classified as difficult and over the top. You might hear, "she's that mom, the mom who always fights back. She's the mom who always asks questions, she's always demanding." I analyzed myself and started recognizing those same characteristics. But I realized all of that was just surface level. I was "that mom," the one working through therapy trying to heal. "That mom," ready to break down at the next advocacy meeting. "That mom," who just got done crying over the enormous responsibility of caring for a medical child. I'm not flawless, I do continuously work on actions and reactions, but I do also promise to not judge others on their "off days." Because in the end, we are all going through our own situations. So next time someone asks, who is Tina? I will proudly say, "I'm that mom," because I know it means I'm putting in work.
