As people evolve through life, trauma can also be a factor
in changing and/or helping to shape people as well. My limited mind set never
could’ve imagined I would become the woman I am today. As difficult as this
life can be, I am so appreciative I have the chance to learn about awareness
and inclusiveness. Before Olivia, those 2 words rarely crossed my mind. Most
importantly, to me, true authenticity and genuineness have become powerful
meanings in my life. Once again, my heart has shifted, and I’ve come to prefer
someone genuinely authentic than someone strong. This wasn’t always the case,
there were fixed times in life I needed a strong corner of people, such as
receiving Olivia’s first diagnosis. Then there are set times I need to feel
genuine care and see authenticity to confirm I am still human for this new
chapter of healing in my life. I think at times we have a tendency to get
caught up in “being strong for someone,” that we can fail to realize that maybe
all that was needed is validation or confirmation of humanity. I am not saying
one or the other is better, or that they can’t work simultaneously together,
but for me personally there’s a season for what I need. Choosing to actively
work on healing is not easy, often times it feels like I am fighting to
continuously heal but it’s so worth it.
As I continue to heal, I am learning how much control I
really don’t have in this life. The more I enlighten myself on taking things as
they come, the more my anxiety and stress start to dissipate. Sometimes this
comes easy and other times, like these last 4 months, it was forced from survival
mode. My brain had officially been overwhelmed to the point of shutting down
and needing to just let fate take its course. This realization was hard to
accept but swimming downstream and no longer pushing back feels so freeing. But
let me back up and share what really has happened to our family these last 4
months that pushed me towards that...........
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